hope….hype….and heart

jesse and i are  getting our things together to make the big move to upstate ny with a few very good friends of ours who are not of the junk variety. we have done two seperate detoxes, and although we cannot claim complete apstainance, we can say with whole hearts that we are looking forward to a new beginning together.  who know the kid i started getting high with would be the man i want to spend the rest of my life with.

we are not new to this, we know a change of address is not a cure for addiction.  we are looking forward to getting active in new york na/aa.  i know the run down, and we will raise our hands at our first newcomers meeing (which will be redundant, cus one sylable of our boston accent and we will not need to introduce ourselves as newcomers ha.  but we will get numbers, temporary sponsers, and put it out there that we are new, we are together, and we have chosen to be that small fraction of couples that get sober together. because statistics mean shit…all that matters is us, the effort we put in, and the faith we put in god to run our life better than we did.

i am a firm believer that things, all things happen for a reason…and we have been staying at this house until our move to boston, and i couldn’t see why, because our “friend”that set us up here has been nothing but lying and cheating and being a dick…..but come to find out, the woman he lives with, that has been nice enough to open her house to a pair of unknow drug addicts….is a woman who is carrying her teenage daughter through a rape crisis, which i have been very helpful with, and also a novice on the path of the Wiccan Way, which i am just preparing myself for a dedication ceremony myself.

so if i ever have to wonder what the god of my understanding has for me, i can stand sure there is a plan, and i am part of it, and grateful to be.  as my husband to be sleeps on the couch next to me, and the friend i have just made copies herbs that will protect her daughter from a book, and for the first time in the longest time i feel loved and needed, and not empty inside, it is goodl.

don’t get me wrong, little junky knows she has only begun to fight..but i have been fighting since 2-10-82 for the simple right to live my life, walking with the Goddess, giving and receieving love.  and i will continue to do so……today was just a reminder why it is worth it.