dull as dishwater daily living
April 12, 2011
so it’s no surprise that life is not all after parties and keg stands. i am 29 years old…everyone i’ve ever been friends with is either still in boston, raising illigitimate children, or incarcerated. i’ve only been home for a few months, and i am still @ my mom’s house, so i can’t really expect too much of a social life. not the kind that i’m accustomed to anyway. and that’s fine with me, for now. but if you know me at all, you know this suzy homemaker shit is not gonna last. it all boils over in the end.
we went to look @ an apartment downtown (if you can call one street a “down town” area) and it was what i expected @ our price point. dirty and small, in a questionable neighborhood. but i am not the person good citizens want as a neighbor anyway, i’m used to ghetto living. i kinda like it like that…a little loud, a little grimy. if i want quiet and calm, i can always come visit my parents. the guy seemed like he would be an absentee landlord, which is way better than a vigilante prick that’s always up your ass about trash day and stomping up and down the stairs. i like to have my privacy in my home, mostly because of my ongoing criminal enterprise. hehehee.
but honestly i just would rather be left alone. and it seems like this would be good for me and robbie. i love my family very much, but sharing a coffee maker, a washing machine and a bathroom with four other people get real old real quick.
i’ve been behaving myself for the most part, there’s no way the feds could make a case against me, put it that way. it gets boring, playing by the rules….i doubt it will last much longer. but i’m not stressing it right now.
we are also in the market for a new car…well, not a *new* car, but a car nonetheless. which would make life so much easier. on one hand, it would make staying clean better, cuz i can go out and do normal life shit. and on the other hand, if life goes down a familiar road, that’s one step i don’t have to worry about.
not like my master plan is to get a car and a new place just so its easier for me to get strung out again. i’m not really thinking that far ahead. i’d just like to feel like an adult again.
sometimes i feel like i’m doing really well.
and other times i feel like i’m swimming in a pool of dirty dishwater, just waiting to go down the drain.
Just like I said before- you’ll never really change.
And how about a JOB??? Might make you a little less bored.
you’re cute
i plan on getting a job when i don’t live 2 1/2 miles from town, like i currently do. my parents are out in the woods of north western massachusetts. but even if i tell you that was my plan all along, you probably wouldn’t believe me.
2 1/2 miles is stopping you from getting a job? You certainly went a lot further to get drugs. Have you heard of taxis or even walking? Would your mother not give you a ride if you were finally making an attempt to contribute instead of take?
it was alot easier to cop drugs when i wasn’t recovering from a stroke. also drug related…but it is what it is, and i have to work with what i’ve got. i’ve been putting in applications for a week or two now. thanks for your concern, support, and kind words. you guys are the best. he he he.